Exchanges

I have thought a lot about divine exchanges at different times. God's exchanges are about redemption-- mourning into dancing , beauty from ashes, life out of the midst of death, etc. All of these can be literal or figurative. I often see in hind-sight that an exchange has happened. I have seen and felt grace and Presence flood in and take over where despair, anger, sorrow, or fear have reigned. In the midst of a season of crisis or need I ask for a divine exchange, something like strength for weakness, or His weapons instead of mine. When I once become aware that I am relying on my own "weapons" or strengths to make it through, it is helpful for me to intentionally lay them down in exchange for the weapons, strength, wisdom and tools of the Spirit. For example, I can sometimes verbally win an arguement. I do pray fervently at those moments, but I have to be careful not to reach into my own bag of skills in order to "out-think" the other person to clench the deal and put myself on top. If I feel too intimidated I might reach for my skill called "shutting down" and thus become closed to not only invalidation and pain, but to anything good that might arise out of the situation. Sometimes I need to exchange my expectations for myself for God's expectations of me--likely much less stressful ones.

I know that I want to allow divine exchanges to take place in my life and in situations that I am involved in, and that means intentionally submitting to the Spirit. That feels like lack of control, which is always scary. It requires learning a far better way of doing life--being open, being connected, being free to receive. It seems likely that facing fear is a part of this exchange. Acknowledging and releasing fear takes equal parts of courage and relinquishment. But what do I get in exchange? Perhaps finding Perfect Love that (or more accurately--Who) casts out fear and the peace that passes understanding, and maybe the ability to just be.

We also go about making our own exchanges. This semester in his senior year, my son has exchanged graduating for attending a summer school session in order to complete his requirements. His choices about his time and studies have made that exchange for him. All year I have had to face my fears about this possible scenario. I have felt anxiety and calm, fear and hope. I have been co-dependent and scolding, and I have had healthy boundaries and a desire for him to experience his own consequences. It has been an uneven ride. Even today, I have had to prayerfully ask what it is I really want for him. I think it is for him to experience the divine exchanges for himself and for that to result in him becoming truly alive and alive to God, knowing God's love for him, living in that love and living out that love to others. I also want for him parents who model the same!