Well, the last couple of posts have been reactionary bits of thought to recent experiences. I do want to be honest about my responses, but I don't want my processing to end there. Tonight something happened that continued my process.
As I lay in bed waiting for sleep (and trying to ignore my spouse's snoring) I remembered back to a visit a couple of years ago with my former college roommate in GA. Unbeknownst to me she had arranged a surprise luncheon with the person who was instrumental in my conversion (some 30 years earlier!) He had also discipled me for a year. Our relationship had become strained when I started asking too many questions about the Holy Spirit and things that went against his doctrinal perspective. I was sort of dis-fellowshipped from the group and I felt that they didn't care about me any more. It was particularly painful because previously he and his wife described me as their adopted daughter in Christ, and I felt the same kind of close connection to them. When I saw him walk up to our table in the restaurant and realized he was there to see me, I was in shock. I began to cry and couldn't stop. We were finally able to have a wonderful conversation and reunion which I am thankful for. His wife had died, he had remarried, and his new wife was with him. She was helping to write his memoirs. (Turns out that I knew this woman too, as she was the mom of a guy I dated long ago.) She later mailed me a newspaper article about him and invited me to send her a reflection or story about him to include in the memoirs. I never did it. I must have still felt a bit conflicted about all those years without relationship and went numb and forgot about the request. So tonight, suddenly I was remembering it.
It hit me that God has been so gracious to me. I could have written a piece about how thankful I am for my father in the faith and my first mentor. I could have said how much he impacted my life. I could have sent it to them. I didn't. And God didn't bug me. He didn't even nag me all those years before to go and try to make it right with them. He actually used those early rejection experiences to cause me to sink my roots deeply into the soil of his love. I could have done things differently. I wish I had done things better. But what I felt tonight was simply grace. He allowed me to make choices and He loved me all along the way. Healing and changes in behavior and thought have happened along the way, too, by His grace and they continue to happen. Tonight I am acutely aware of it.
So I'm asking myself, can I extend grace to "Mr. Noisy" and leave it up to God to also lead him along a path of grace toward healing and changes in behavior in God's time? God can use someone that Mr. N. already trusts to speak into his life or He can grace him a thousand other ways. Maybe I should just pray for him. That's where I am in the process. And maybe someday soon even buy him a cup of coffee--nah--I'll need more grace for that.
No comments:
Post a Comment